A Night to Remember
By Rebecca Williamson
The hen and stag parties are two of the most exciting celebrations in the lead-up to a wedding. They also offer a perfect opportunity for the bridal party, friends and family to get together in a relaxed environment prior to the big day. Whether you’re the couple getting married or the event organisers, here are some common questions about planning an unforgettable hen or stag do.
Who organises the hen and stag parties?
Traditionally, the bridesmaids plan the hen’s party, while the groomsmen take care of the stag do. As the bride- or groom-to-be, you may have an idea of the style of soiree you want, so be sure to discuss this with your bridal party well in advance.
What activities are popular?
For the ladies, activities such as winery tours, beauty treatments, make-up tutorials, cake decorating and life-drawing classes are trending, and classic, dress-up cocktail parties (perhaps hosted by a hunky bartender) are in vogue too.
For the lads, outdoor adventure reigns supreme. Fishing and hunting excursions, as well as activities such as paintball, go-karting or sports can be followed-up with a classic Kiwi pub crawl for the perfect boys’ night out.
When should the event be held?
Gone are the days of holding the hen or stag party the night before the wedding. The weekend prior – or up to eight weeks in advance – is now more common to ensure the bride and groom are well rested for their nuptials.
Who should be invited?
It’s not necessary to invite everyone on the wedding guest list. The bride or groom should provide a clear indication of who they want to attend – friends and close family may make the cut, whereas colleagues or distant relatives may not. The type of event will obviously
dictate who’s invited – for example, a ‘friends only’ policy might be appropriate for a debaucherous late-night bash. Inviting guests who are not invited to the wedding is acceptable, as long as they are aware of the situation.
It may be awkward having the future mother-in-law/father-in-law there. Do we need to invite them?
The short answer is no. These events are a chance for the bride and groom to relax, so if they would feel at all uncomfortable with the presence of somebody, it’s best not to invite them. However, if their own parents are invited, then an invitation should also be extended to the in-laws-to-be. A nice way to include everyone is by hosting an afternoon tea or group dinner followed by a friends-only night on the town.
When should invitations be sent?
At least one month in advance – more if the event requires travel. It’s also wise to send a save-the-date two months in advance so guests can mark it in their diary. Ensure the RSVP deadline leaves adequate time to confirm numbers for any activities or transport, and remember to communicate details of costs, the dress code and what to bring.
How much does a hen or stag party cost and who pays for it?
This can be anything from $100 to packages upwards of $500, depending on what activities and entertainment are planned and what will be provided (such as food, alcohol and transport). Traditional etiquette suggests the bridal party covers the costs, but these days it’s common to ask all guests to chip in – just be clear about the expenses upfront.
How can we cut costs?
Ensuring the hen or stag party is affordable for all attendees is paramount – you don’t want guests turning down an invitation because it’s too pricey to participate. Consider divvying up the financial responsibilities; for example, all guests chip in for the entertainment, the bridesmaids purchase the alcohol and the mother of the bride or father of the groom provide the food. Alternatively, make the event BYO and ask guests to bring a plate.
What are some theme ideas?
Find inspiration in the bride or groom’s favourite movie, colour, sports or hobbies, their initials or birth year, or delve deeper and base the party around their love story, such as where they met or a country they have visited.
What about the dress code?
If the party is themed (see above) then, of course, this will influence the attire. However, if there is no theme, then the dress code should reflect the activities planned. Some daytime activities will undoubtedly lead into late-night shenanigans, so guests may need to bring an outfit change. This should be detailed on the invitation.
As the bride or groom, I’m a little nervous about what’s in store …
Your bridal party certainly have your best interests at heart when organising your hen or stag do – they want you to have a great time! However, if you feel uncomfortable about anything, then make your wishes known from the beginning. You won’t enjoy a rowdy night out if all you really want is a quiet round of golf or a day at the spa. Some couples will feel completely at ease with their bridal party planning the event, whereas others may not want any surprises. Remember to refrain from taking charge – this is their gift to you!
Can guests post photos from the parties on social media?
This is entirely up to the bride and groom, and needs to be addressed at the beginning of the event. Consider allocating someone who is good with a camera to document the event and put together an album for the bride or groom.
Popular party activities
Cruise town in a party bus
Hire a bach for the weekend
Catered dinner at home
Glamping or camping
Outdoor cinema
High tea in a luxury hotel
Garden party at home
Day spa or pampering at home
Day at the races
Hat making
Cocktail making
Floral arranging
Psychic or tarot reader
Dance lessons (belly, salsa, pole)
Karaoke
Cabaret/burlesque show
Harbour cruise
Comedy club
Adult-toy party
Claybird shooting
Scavenger hunt round town
Horse trek
Mountain biking
Poker/games night
Whiskey tasting
Zorb soccer
Fishing charter
Pub crawl
Quad biking
Craft-beer tasting
Laser tag
Bowling
Sports game
Rock climbing
Canyoning
Get Bride & Groom magazine for more wedding advice, ideas and inspiration
